Learning to Fall
by Oriviurr
Summary: It started with a question, and ended in blood. The story of Karkat Vantas' search for truth, and how he accidentally on purpose saved planet Earth. [Johnkat. Warning for major character death.]


"Shoot all the Bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird." ― Atticus Finch, To Kill a Mockingbird.

* * *

It all started with a question.

"Why are we here, Karkitty?"

His sluggishly forced his tired eyes to flicker over the shaking body of his friend. She was drenched in dark blue, too tired to even shed another olive tear. She'd lost her moirail, and damn, he wasn't allowed near Gamzee anymore but at least he wasn't dead. She looked so… hopeless, and it hurt him. She used to be so happy. They all used to be so happy.

He turned forward again, and gazed at the wall with nothing in his eyes.

"Because we are."

Nepeta was killed a perigee later, and Karkat Vantas was stationed in the Empress' throne room.

He never forgot.

* * *

Karkat was sprawled along Sollux's shelf when he began talking to the blue alien. He'd been messing around with the inner Alternian systems (searching for something, _anything_, stating that maybe there was once hope in this fucked up race) while his bitchy best friend had been typing up some super-important-to-the-state-of-the-empire code, and he'd stumbled across top secret plans to invade a new planet. A pretty fucking planet, surrounding by a blanket of steam and covered in sparkling seas and lusciously green land.

What a fucking waste.

Looking closer, he noticed a piece of information stating the the fucking Condesce herself was going to come along for the ride. Which meant he'd be going of course. The throne room moved with the Empress, and he with the throne room. He hated that so much.

He started scrolling through the kinds of social media this planet had (_Way too fucking many woah_.), and upon finding one that could be tweaked to work alongside Trollian with translation, logged on and scanned through the available users. He guessed it was just pure luck that ectoBiologist seemed to stand out somehow. He ignored the timeline options, choosing to talk to the present version of this pink alien. Much easier, and he couldn't exactly ask Sollux for help if something went wrong. Communication with anything outside of your ship was strictly forbidden by law. Culling grounds and shit.

**\- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] - -**

**CG: HELLO WORTHLESS HUMAN**  
**EB: uh how did you get my pesterchum**  
**EB: who are you? :B**  
**CG: WHO AM I?!**  
**CG: I AM BETTER THAN YOU**  
**CG: BETTER THAN YOU WILL EVER BE**  
**EB: uh dude i meant like as in a name?**  
**CG: OH**  
**CG: KARKAT**  
**EB: karkat? weird**  
**EB: also what's with the caps lock**  
**EB: are you like really angry or**  
**CG: I'M ALWAYS ANGRY FUCK YOU**  
**CG: THIS IS JUST MY QUIRK**  
**CG: BUT YOU USELESS CREATURES DON'T SEEM TO HAVE QUIRKS**  
**CG: THAT'S FUCKED UP MAN**  
**EB: uh ok**  
**EB: right**  
**EB: dude why are you talking like you're an alien or something?**  
**CG: BECAUSE I AM**  
**EB: right**  
**EB: riiiiight**  
**CG: NO SERIOUSLY**  
**CG: I AM NOT OF EARTHEN DESCENT**  
**EB: riiiiiiiiiight**  
**CG: I HAVE GREY SKIN BITCH**  
**EB: i'm nodding my head all understanding right now ok**  
**EB: i understand**  
**CG: HORNS TOO**  
**CG: MY HORNS ARE FUCKING AMAZING**  
**EB: neat, horns! how big are these "horns"?**  
**CG: UH**  
**CG: WELL**  
**CG: LIKE SIX FEET TALL!**  
**EB: wouldn't that get annoying**  
**EB: what about doors**  
**CG: I AM A MENACE TO CARPENTERS EVERYWHERE**  
**EB: you're actually pretty cool**  
**EB: why don't you drop the alien act and we can be friends**  
**CG: BUT I'M**  
**CG: OH YOU KNOW WHAT**  
**CG: FINE**  
**CG: DROPPING THE ALIEN ACT**  
**CG: HELLO EVERYBODY**  
**CG: MY NAME IS KARKAT THE HUMAN**  
**EB: oh shit dude my dad's calling me**  
**EB: i hope we can talk again karkat!**  
**CG: DAD? WHAT'S A**  
**CG: OH FUCK IT NEVERMIND**  
**CG: TALK TO YOU LATER**

**\- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] - -**

Karkat hesitated, staring at the husk top with barely contained shock. That had gone… _surprisingly well_? He blinked in slight oh-my-god-I-can't-believe-that-actually-worked victory. Not exactly a thing he was used to, things going well. He quickly looked around in worry, sighing quietly in relief when he saw Sollux paying him no attention. It wasn't like he'd_ disagree_ or anything. Hell, he was lowblood as well, so he suffered almost equally from the Hemocaste system. It was just… If Karkat was, as he eventually would be, caught and culled, he could rest happily knowing he hadn't dragged anymore people than necessary into his suicidal rebellion. And Sollux was the goddamn imperial coder. He had too much on his plate to add worrying about his dumbass hatefriend to it. What Karkat was doing was treason of the highest order, after all.

He wasted the last fifteen minutes of his break (Six hours sleep, then one hour preparation, eight hours work, half hour break and another nine hours work. Rinse and repeat until thoroughly fucked up.) researching the quaint, little, weirdass place named "Earth". He learned that "dad" was a short, affectionate term for a father, which was the ancestor _and_ lusus. Uh, weird? Why would the ancestor bother looking after their descendants. Different cultures were fucked up. He learned that EB was a member of the dominant species, the homo sapiens, or "human", if you somehow struggled to say five syllables.

Humans were pretty similar in appearance to trolls, with a few small, but _weird as fuck_ differences. Their skin was a very pale fuchsia colour, and they had a distinct lack of horns, claws and fangs. Not to mention hideously blunt teeth. This, Karkat decided, was probably due to their lack of a need to defend themselves in everyday life, because of their _pretty awesome_ society. God, did he envy their laws. Murder and rape were _completely_ illegal?! There weren't limits depending on your importance and rank or _anything_! God, and Alternia was planning to destroy this world.

He dug through their history, learning about how, once upon a time, they had discriminated against each other (As all species do). That was mostly obsolete by now, but apparently some humans still believed in the purity of their race and other bullshit, just like highbloods. The only difference was that they weren't backed by the government. He desperately hoped EB wasn't one of them. Also, it was apparently a common biological trait to only have concupiscent feelings for the opposite sex, although there were some who could be attracted to the same sex, any sex or even no sex at all. These kinds of people had been discriminated against in history. Fucking _fascinating_. They only had one kind of romance as well, which kind of ruled out Karkat's hope for decent romcoms. He was quickly making his way through all the romcoms his world had ever produced, and he was sure that if his breaks were the same length as that of a highblood he'd have finished them all twice over. Dammit, they were so amazing. Fuck Terezi. He stood by his shitty romcoms.

There was one thing that stood out to Karkat the most though. One incredible thing that this race, this marvelous, beautiful, fantastic race, all had.

Bright red blood.

He lay wide awake that night, the sopor slime in his 'coon fruitlessly attempting to calm his whizzing mind as he tried to comprehend that there was a place in this universe where Karkat Vantas _finally fit in_.

* * *

Karkat had struggled throughout his childhood. Oh, his lusus was incredibly kind, if a bit crabby most of the time, but interaction with one's lusus was not the same as interaction with one's peers. The colour of his blood was dangerous, and he was confined to his hive and the underwater lake it was built upon for the majority of his young life. He grew up socially stunted, and unable to properly communicate with people who weren't one of his eleven good friends. He'd be even worse if it wasn't for the_ internet_.

He'd joined a coding forum when he was four and half sweeps old, reading the posts but rarely, if ever, replying to them. The one time he did reply, it was to ask if someone could explain how a particular portion of the code worked, and that was how he met Sollux Captor. The ass had replied, writing a whole fucking condescending essay on how the shit worked and why Karkat was an idiot. They bounced back and forth for a while, as insults turned to goodnatured teasing and enemies turned to friends and he grew to love Sollux.

Sollux was yellow blooded, he found out, and for some reason he felt possessed to give the secret of his own place outside of the spectrum to him (_because sometimes he dreamed of a yellow blooded moirail from another life but that wasn't real was it-_). Sollux had been really fine with it. Like, he hadn't even given a shit. Karkat was left staring wordlessly at his screen while Sollux continued yammering away about that program he was talking about before the mutant had interrupted him. And then, the Trollian beta came out.

Sollux created a board with two other lowbloods, and for some fucking annoying reason decided to add Karkat to it on a whim. He'd been terrified at first, but Tavros and Aradia had been really nice and they became friends very quickly. Tavros was a brown blood and a _wimp_, but he was so nice and insecure not even Karkat could shout at him without feeling like he was kicking a fucking injured puppy. He was disabled as well, paraplegic, which wasn't exactly a good thing to be in Alternia.

Aradia, on the other hand, was one of the strongest, proudest and greatest people he knew. She was a rust blood, but damn could she shout down any pretentious highblood giving her shit. She was fantastic, utterly amazing and stood up (Oh dear lord that was not meant to be a pun.) for Tavros all the time. She'd eventually meet her early (_Too fucking early_.) death on the battlefield, used as mere distraction before the midbloods swooped in to kill off the inhabitants of the planet they were invading. But that was ages ago, he was totally over it.

(_Not._)

Tavros, Aradia and Sollux had given him tips and tricks on dodging drones, or made sure he was consuming enough sugar, a substance lowbloodsapparently needed a surplus of. In return, he gave a valuable skill that they were frankly starved of.

Dating advice.

Suffice to say, Karkat was boasting to Tavros two perigees later about how it was all because of his help that Sollux and Aradia were in a moirallegiance.

Soon after, Aradia had suggested expanding the group outside of just lowbloods. Sollux had been wary at first, and Karkat had started hyperventilating at his husktop screen, but Tavros had expressed his love of the idea and fuck, none of them could argue with Tavros. Aradia proceeded to add two FLARP friends of hers and Tavros', after getting the reluctant go ahead from Sol (so long as he could keep the group at twelvemaximum). The Scourge Sisters terrified Karkat at first. He'd been uneasy getting to know Aradia and Tavros, and now there were two fucking higher midbloods and they both seemed pretty insane (Especially Vriska woah). Eventually, they caught on to his edginess and apparent shyness when they were around and confronted Sollux about it, who promptly told them that Karkat was a freak and he didn't talk to many people (more like none) and that he thought he might get culled if he insulted them.

The Scourge Sisters laughed and told Karkat that if anyone dared to touch him without good intent, they'd be staring at the bottom of their nutrition sack for the rest of their measly lives.

And so he gained more friends.

More people began to join the board. Vriska added Equius, who added Nepeta, who added Kanaya, who added Gamzee, who added Eridan, who added Feferi. Karkat was once again shitting bricks because he'd never even fucking seen a highblood in real life and goddamn was he not prepared to make friends with one. In the end, Terezi had pulled him into a private memo with him and Gamzee and told him that his petrified anger was really fucking obvious and look at Gamzee he's such a sweetie.

He was a sweetie to be honest. That's why they became moirails.

But then, they were scripted onto different ships and shoosh paps when he was anxious became nonexistent and feeling jams could only be done over trashy webcam. It was so fucking painful, but his stupid, brainwashed mind was crazy enough to start to think that it was for the best. Oh yes, he was such a bad influence on Gamzee with his disgusting, mutated blood. Gamzee would be better off with his ancestor watching over him while Karkat went and played pet Threshie for Her Imperious Condescension. It had taken the deaths of three of his closest friends (Equius was even his goddamn kismesis) to open his eyes to the goddamn tyranny and he was going to crush it no matter what.

He wasn't a hero, just some old fool who wanted to change the system.

* * *

He loved his illegal access to the imperial files. Sollux had figured out a way to trick the system years ago, by programming his husktop to give the same readings as a drone would when online. It meant that anyone who downloaded the program he'd created could enter the imperial files and not get caught unless someone actually saw the files open on the screen of their husktop. Sollux had made them all swear to be really fucking careful with it, and let them download it. It was how Karkat'd found out about Earth prematurely, and he tended to spend a lot of his free time poking through shit he shouldn't. Equius scolded him and told him that one day his curiosity and disregard for rules would get him killed. He answered that he knew.

He was flicking through history that was excluded from schoolfeeding that day, when he came across the Signless.

He saw an article, seemingly extremely high level access, so much that only Dualscar and the Condesce were allowed to see. And anyone with Sollux's "fuck you law" program, of course. He clicked into it, and blood rushed from his face in terror and shock.

It was headed by a picture of a dead troll, bound by the wrists and covered in candy red fucking blood.

He stared at it for about a minute, internally freaking out and trying his hardest not to alert Terezi to his minor panic attack, the teal blood in question lying on her back and whistling out of tune. He didn't know why he didn't want her to know, this just felt… special. Important. _Secret_.

He gulped, gathering his wits and bravery and began to read the article carefully. Apparently, his name was the Signless, and he was a_ rebel leader_. One of his followers, one that looked suspiciously like Tavros, was the reason that the minute you were old enough for your blood to show in your eyes you were stolen away from your home, probably never going to see it again. The Signless had been a mutant like him, and because of that no lusus had taken him (but then why did he have crabdad?) and he'd been raised by a renegade jade blood. He'd begun a series of peaceful protests when he was nine sweeps old, talking of equality and friendships between all types on the Hemospectrum. But then it had gone downhill.

After sweeps of war (he hadn't agreed with it_ Karkat knew-_), the Signless was eventually captured, tortured and killed. His followers were given rights no better than those of animals, and hunted down until only a few remained. God, what a pathetic end to an amazing person. He scrolled down the page, seeing more information and-

Wait, hold up.

That was a picture of him.

Of Karkat Vantas.

There was a picture of Karkat Vantas in one of the most secure files in Alternia.

And under the picture, there was one simple line in capitals.

**THE DESCENDANT OF THE SIGNLESS IS TO BE WATCHED CAREFULLY AND CULLED AT FIRST SIGN OF DISOBEDIENCE.**

Oh.

* * *

They officially told the imperial guard about the invasion on the fourth day of the twelfth perigee, and Karkat managed to keep his knowledge well. After all, it wasn't a big deal that they were invading yet another planet. The newer recruits got excited over another planet to see, but everyone knew that once you'd seen one Alternian invasion, getting your hopes up over new planets was pretty much not going to happen. In the end, they were all just ripped to pieces and their inhabitants sent off as slaves of the empire. Slaves had about as many rights as he did. Poor fucks.

The imperial guard were among the first to know of course. As Dualscar told them, Karkat could see the bloodlust blazing in his eyes. He was excited, had it been that long? That long until he'd had lives to destroy? Karkat would say he wished he didn't exist, but he liked Eridan (Although he'd never admit it.) and if he didn't exist, Eridan didn't. The mutant kept his mouth shut and his eyes down, as an idea began to stir in his thinkpan.

Humans were, from what he'd learned so far, not amazingly deadly or strong, but their ability to counteract that by creating machines to do that stuff for them was pretty damn commendable. They were very intelligent (EB must've been the odd one out or something.) and very into freedom of all people. From the sound of it, if you dared invade their planet they would give you pure hell. Now, _suppose_ they found a way into the throne room, they could use those gun things they had to blast some highblood skulls in. Honestly, Karkat didn't know why his species had invented countless forms of space travel and torture devices and yet somehow hadn't progressed past the bow and arrow in terms of weapons. The only thing stopping the humans from defending themselves was the fact that it was near impossible to get to the Condesce.

The Condesce's throne room lay inside five impenetrable walls, covered in blacks and pinks and the occasional puddle of some other colour when someone pissed Her off. The five walls were guarded by the Cavalreapers, and they were the only ones to hold the power of opening and closing the Imperial Gates.

Good thing Tavros was a Cavalreaper.

Karkat snuck away from his group when Dualscar finished, snarling an insult at someone who mocked him for "trolling his matesprit". He didn't have a fucking matesprit, and the most flush he'd ever felt was for a goddamn human that he didn't even know the name of, so they could shut their fucking mouths. Ignoring a couple of new memos in Rainbow Rumpus Partytown, he flicked up Tav's Trollian page, and got to work.

* * *

**\- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] - -**  
**CG: HEY ASSHOLE**  
**EB: hey karkat!**  
**CG: SO**  
**CG: HOW'S YOUR WORTHLESS LIFE**  
**EB: awesome!**  
**EB: i was able to eat fried chicken with jade on the island!**  
**CG: JADE?**  
**CG: THAT'S YOUR**  
**CG: COUSIN?**  
**EB: yup! you remembered!**  
**CG: RIGHT**  
**CG: GOOD FOR YOU**  
**CG: WHO'S HEAD OF THE DEFENSE OF EARTH AGAINST ALIENS?**  
**EB: huh?**  
**EB: why do you wanna know that?**  
**CG: I HAVE A**  
**CG: UH**  
**CG: TEST**  
**EB: aw poor you dude**  
**EB: wait how old are you?**  
**EB: i'm like 23**  
**CG: 11**  
**EB: woah really?!**  
**EB: you're really mature for an 11 year old!**  
**CG: UH**  
**CG: OK**  
**CG: THANKS I GUESS?**  
**CG: BUT LIKE**  
**CG: I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW**  
**EB: well you've come to the right place!**  
**EB: my grandpa's in charge! :D**  
**CG: WAIT ARE YOU SERIOUS**  
**EB: yup!**  
**CG: FUCK**  
**CG: FUCK ME**  
**CG: I CAN'T**  
**CG: FUCK**  
**EB: uhh karkat?**  
**CG: THANKS JOHN**

**\- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] - -**

EB: bye?

Maybe Vriska's luck babble wasn't as much bullshit as he'd originally anticipated.

* * *

Feferi Peixes excelled in shining.

Karkat wasn't jealous, just blinded by her intense light. They all were. She shined so bright that everyone forgot who her ancestor was. She who led them to the stars and back with the Fuchsia of rulers running through her veins. She who was vicious. She who culled whoever she felt like and crushed whole civilizations under her thumb.

But Feferi was so, so different. She'd take in injured animals of her own will and raise them back to health, she'd have lengthy discussions with Aradia about Alternian archaeology and she'd buy a pair of strap-on plasma wings for Tavros' wriggling day and laugh with joy as she watched him cry with happiness and whiz around someone's particularly tall hive.

Feferi Peixes was like the sun.

And she blinded him.

But… in a good way, he guessed. She was so sweet, and her blood allowed her free admission to the throne once she managed to slaughter her ancestor in a stand off. He hadn't believed in ancestors as a kid, but once he saw Dualscar and the Condesce and their resemblance to his close friends, he knew that the tales had to be true. And now, of course, he knew of his own ancestor… and he was damn proud of him.

But back to Feferi. She would make the most brilliant empress anyone had every seen, but the Condesce played a game. A game he like to call. 'Who's the next little descendant to get killed?'. Every few hundred sweeps, an empress was born, grew to maturity, and was promptly murdered when they made their attempt on the Condesce's life. It was tragic, but it was life. But, there might be a chance for Fef. If she could take control of the humans… If they could work together, then they could change the universe. They could give people a chance, the chance that he was too small to give. A troll-human alliance spanning millennia. What a nice idea.

Maybe, in another world he'd feel some sort of red for Feferi.

A world without annoying (_adorable_), blue humans.

* * *

** \- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] - -**

**CG: HEY FEFERI**  
**CC: )(ey Karcrab! W)(at's up? 3:)**  
**CC: Are you okay?! Did somet)(ing )(appen? 3:0**  
**CG: I'M FINE**  
**CG: SOLLUX IS TOO**  
**CG: BECAUSE YOU'RE PRETTY FUCKING PREDICTABLE**  
**CC: Aww, Karcrab you MEANI-E!**  
**CC: I was gonna ask aboat Sollux t)(ough**  
**CG: I. KNOW.**  
**CG: EVERYONE DOES**  
**CG: IT'S SO OBVIOUS**  
**CG: I MEAN YOU'RE REACHING ME AND GAMZEE'S LEVEL ALMOST**  
**CC: Is t)(at even porpoisible?!**  
**CG: WELL, YOU'VE MANAGED IT**  
**CG: BUT SERIOUS TIME NOW**  
**CC: Serious serious?**  
**CG: SERIOUS SERIOUS *SERIOUS***  
**CG: NO CHANGING THE TOPIC WHILE I EXPLAIN OR YOU'RE BANNED FROM FISH PUNS**  
**CC: O)( no! 3:c**  
**CG: SO**  
**CG: WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PLANET EARTH?**  
**CC: !**  
**CC: )(ow do you know aboat t)(at already?**  
**CG: I MAY OR MAY NOT MAKE A HABIT OF HACKING INTO THE IMPERIAL DATABASE**  
**CG: THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW THOUGH**  
**CC: urrr**  
**CC: whale, it's R-EALLY PR-E-ETY!**  
**CC: And )(umans seem very nice!**  
**CG: GOOD**  
**CG: BECAUSE I'M GETTING YOU AN ARMY OF THEM**  
**CC: )(u)(? Karcrab? 3:o**  
**CG: I'VE BEEN MESSAGING ONE**  
**CG: HE HAS RELATIONS WITH EARTH'S HEAD OF DEFENCE**  
**CG: I'M GONNA GET THEM ON YOUR SIDE**  
**CG: THE ENEMY OF YOUR ENEMY IS YOUR FRIEND**  
**CC: wow!**  
**CC: T)(is is**  
**CC: …WOW**  
**CC: It sounds AMAZING!**  
**CC: T)(ANK YOU KARCRAB!**  
**CC: But )(ow will t)(ey get fin?**  
**CG: DIDN'T YOU HEAR**  
**CG: TAVROS IS A CAVALREAPER**  
**CG: HE'S AGREED TO HELP**  
**CC: T)(ank you so muc)( Karcrab!**  
**CG: IT'S FINE**  
**CC: Good luck getting )(im on our side!**  
**CG: THANKS**

** \- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] - -**

**CC: Wait, Karcrab!**  
**CC:…won't you be fin t)(e t)(rone room w)(en it gets raided?**

* * *

It was time.

Karkat pressed his face against the impenetrable glass and sighed, trying to block out the gasps of the younger threshies. The youngest was only eight sweeps old, squealing with excitement at her first glance of a world that wasn't their home. It almost made him feel uneasy, but only almost. His decision was made and his will was like the iron they'd used to string his ancestor up. He would not be moved. Not now, not ever.

As they got closer, he started to watch the beautiful planet rush by. Some of the buildings were enormous. Great towers with lights blinking through the cover of the clouds (discouraging aircraft perhaps?) and great statues rushed by, almost seeming to glare at the invaders. He looked closer, spotting the people sprinting down the streets, mouths wide in terrified screams as they noticed the mothership. Ahh, of course. A lot of humans didn't even believe in the existance of other intelligent beings. And here they were, introduced in the midst of an invasion. He wondered how many had believed the Skaia Defence Agency, John's grandfather's association, had no real use.

Nearby, an olive blood named Alaren was telling some stories about various previous battles and invasions to the young ones. Alaren was a good friend he'd made on his first night in the Imperial Threshcutioners. He'd found the mutant crying into his pillow over Nepeta's death and forced him to talk it out. He'd eventually ended up spilling his goddamn life story to the idiot. He was a kind soul, and Karkat was oh so glad they were friends.

He realized with a jolt of guilt that Alaren probably wouldn't be alive for much longer. And it was all his fault.

He'd heard of an idea in a human religion, a place where all sinners go to suffer for eternity named Hell. He bet he'd fit in perfectly. It was red as well oh joy.

He yawned, picking himself up and nodding to Alaren as he left the room. He stopped at the door, taking one last look at Earth.

It made this all worth it, he guessed.

Once outside, he looked up and down the corridor. No one in sight, woo hoo. He flicked through his admittedly short Trollian contact list, tapping the right person and composing his message. Show time.

**\- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] began trolling adiosToreador - -**

**CG: ARE YOU READY? I STILL NEED TO TALK TO EB**  
**AT: uH, yEAH i THINK**  
**AT: i, uHH, sTILL DON'T THINK THIS IS A, uHH, gOOD IDEA**  
**CG: TAVROS PLEASE NOT THIS AGAIN**  
**CG: I'M BEGGING YOU**  
**AT: uHH, oKAY**  
**AT: sORRY**  
**CG: DON'T APOLOGIZE DUMBASS**  
**AT: bUT**  
**AT: wHAT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG?**  
**CG: I'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR HALF A SWEEP TAV**  
**CG: I SWEAR EVERYTHING WILL WORK EXACTLY AS PLANNED**  
**AT: eXACTLY AS PLANNED**  
**AT: wHICH BASICALLY MEANS YOU'VE PLANNED FOR SOMETHING BAD TO HAPPEN**  
**AT uHH, rIGHT?**  
**CG: GODAMMIT**  
**CG: YEAH OK CONGRATS YOU'RE RIGHT**  
**CG: BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS TAVROS**  
**CG: PLEASE UNDERSTAND**  
**CG: I'VE SAID PLEASE TWICE NOW HELP ME**  
**AT: hAHAH**  
**CG: BUT YEAH I NEED TO DO THIS OR MORE PEOPLE WILL SUFFER**  
**AT: yOU**  
**AT: yOU'RE SO, uHH, bRAVE**  
**AT: yOU ALWAYS HELP EVERYONE**  
**AT: aND YOU ACT CRANKY BUT EVERYONE LOVES YOU**  
**AT: iT'S KINDA HARD TO, uH, hATE YOU**  
**AT: yOU'RE JUST SO BRAVE**  
**AT: aND**  
**CG: TAVROS SHUT UP**  
**AT: uHH, oK**  
**CG: I AM NOT BRAVE**  
**CG: I AM NOT A HERO**  
**CG: I'M ONLY AN IDIOT WITH NO SENSE OF SELF PRESERVATION**  
**CG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE DO NOT LOOK UP TO ME AS A HERO**  
**CG: YOU KNOW WHO YOU SHOULD LOOK UP TO?**  
**AT: wHO..?**  
**CG: YOURSELF**  
**CG: EVERY TIME SOMEONE KNOCKS YOU DOWN**  
**CG: YOU GET RIGHT BACK UP**  
**CG: THAT'S THE BRAVEST THING ANYONE CAN DO**  
**CG: YOU MADE UP WITH THE PERSON WHO CRIPPLED YOU**  
**CG: YOU EVEN STARTED A MATESPRITSHIP WITH HER**  
**CG: IF ANYONE CAME UP TO ME AND ASKED ME WHAT A BRAVE PERSON LOOKS LIKE**  
**CG: I'D SAY THEY HAVE MASSIVE FUCKING HORNS**  
**AT: oH MY GOD**  
**AT: tHAT WAS**  
**AT: tHANK YOU KARKAT**  
**AT: aNYWAY, i'M READY**  
**AT: gOOD LUCK**  
**CG: THANKS MAN**  
**CG: BYE**

** \- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] ceased trolling adiosToreador - -**

He loved that piece of shit. Sighing, he wiped his brow, and moved on to his next contact.

**\- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] - -**

**CG: HAVE YOU SEEN IT**  
**EB: oh i don't know**  
**EB: maybe i've missed the *GIANT FUCKING SPACESHIP IN THE SKY***  
**CG: YOU SARCASTIC ASSHOLE STOP APPROPRIATING MY QUIRK**  
**EB: dude i'm freaking out here**  
**EB: what if they're six foot tall crabs**  
**EB: what if they wanna eat us**  
**CG: OH MY GOD EB**  
**CG: NOT ALL GIANT CRABS WANT TO EAT PEOPLE**  
**EB: name one**  
**CG: MY**  
**CG: DAD**  
**CG: I THINK**  
**EB: karkat i don't think your dad's a crab**  
**CG: HE IS**  
**CG: WAS**  
**CG: WHATEVER**  
**CG: SO REMEMBER WHEN WE MET**  
**EB: fine**  
**EB: uhh yeah?**  
**CG: I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS AN ALIEN**  
**EB: yeah i remember i don't why that's**  
**EB: oh**  
**EB: oh my god**  
**EB: oh**  
**EB: my**  
**CG: OH GOD DID I BREAK YOU**  
**EB: god**  
**EB: you're NOT?**  
**EB: you cannot be an alien what**  
**CG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE**  
**CG: YOU'RE THE FUCKING ALIEN TO ME DIPSHIT**  
**EB: oh dear lord**  
**CG: LOOK**  
**CG: YOUR GRANDFATHER**  
**CG: HE'S GONNA BE LEADING THE CHARGES AGAINST MY PEOPLE RIGHT?**  
**EB: uh yeah**  
**EB: dude i'm still coming to terms with the fact that you're an alien**  
**EB: this shit doesn't happen?**  
**CG: WHATEVER**  
**EB: also i'm leading the actual team**  
**EB: he's gonna get all**  
**EB: strateg-y**  
**CG: STRATEGIC**  
**EB: yeah that**  
**EB: ok i think i believe you a bit now**  
**EB: i just need more proof ok**  
**CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO EXPLAIN OUR ROMANCE SYSTEM TO YOU**  
**EB: oh my god a romance system**  
**EB: i bet you have some seriously weird shit**  
**EB: like hate fucking buddies or something**  
**CG: UH**  
**CG: IT'S CALLED KISMESISSISTUDE**  
**EB: no fucking way *that is a thing***  
**CG: HELL YEAH**  
**EB: uh**  
**EB: do you have a hate buddy**  
**CG: USED TO**  
**CG: SWEATY ASSHOLE DIED**  
**EB: aww man**  
**EB: i'm… sorry for your loss?**  
**CG: YOU BETTER BE**  
**CG: ANYWAY**  
**CG: I, AS A LOWER MEMBER OF SOCIETY**  
**CG: AND AS SOMEONE WHO WOULD LIKE SOCIETY TO GET IT'S FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER**  
**CG: WISH TO ASSASSINATE THE EMPRESS**  
**EB: there's an empress? and you want to assassinate her?! :0**  
**EB: why!?**  
**CG: BECAUSE SHE'S CORRUPT**  
**CG: AND HER DESCENDANT IS MY FRIEND**  
**CG: THERE'S GENERALLY A FIGHT BETWEEN DESCENDANT AND THE CONDESCE**  
**CG: THE CONDESCE HAS WON FOR MILLENIA**  
**EB: the condesce?**  
**CG: THE EMPRESS**  
**EB: oh neat**  
**CG: BUT YOU SEE I WANT FEFERI TO WIN**  
**CG: FEFERI IS A SWEETHEART**  
**CG: SHE'D BE A BRILLIANT EMPRESS**  
**CG: NOW THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN**  
**EB: uh right**  
**CG: HOW ABOUT YOU GUESS OUR LITTLE REBELLION'S BODY COUNT AT THE MOMENT?**  
**EB: um, 100?**  
**CG: NINE**  
**CG: ONE OF WHICH IS THE )(EIRESS**  
**EB: oh my god**  
**CG: YEAH**  
**CG: WE NEED AN ARMY EB**  
**CG: AND YOU ARE GOING TO SUPPLY IT**  
**EB: but i don't know if i can trust you!**  
**EB: why are you on the invading ship anyway?**  
**CG: FORCED CONSCRIPTION**  
**EB: oh crap**  
**CG: LOOK**  
**CG: I NEED YOU TO TRUST ME**  
**CG: WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE**  
**EB: uhhhghh**  
**EB: okay**  
**EB: let's do it**  
**CG: FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC**  
**CG: SENDING YOU THE BLUEPRINTS MARKED WITH THE GATES INTO THE THRONE ROOM**  
**EB: woooo**  
**CG: ALSO**  
**CG: BEFORE I GO**  
**EB: huh?**  
**CG: ONE MORE THING**  
**CG: WHAT'S YOUR NAME?**  
**EB: oh ok**  
**EB: it's john**  
**EB: john egbert**

**\- - carcinoGeneticest [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] - -**

_John._

Karkat hummed in satisfaction. It was so… foreign. Could he even make that noise? He tried it quietly. Yeah, he couldn't make the J sound with his fucky vocal chords. It came out as a sort of zoohn sound. Zoohn. Zoohn Egb'rt.

He laughed in spite of himself, and headed down to the throne room one last time.

* * *

John was busy finishing off the last alien when Dave called him over.

It'd been hard at first, to convince his friend. But they were buddies for a reason! John had shown him the pesterlogs, and after a couple of minutes of quiet coolness he'd decided they could trust Karkat. He'd gotten Rose to help, and Jade had been with John from the start. They were a team, always a team.

He hadn't seen Karkat yet.

He'd expected to have met him at the gate, but instead he'd met an alien in a wheelchair with enormous horns and a shy attitude. He'd explained, in broken, heavily-accented english, exactly what they were to do. Pretty simple actually. Run in and slaughter them all, leave no survivors. And John was expecting some awesome spy shit. Well, you can't have everything, he guessed.

Killing them, even if they were aliens, was so hard.

Their expressions, even with sharp teeth and slate skin they looked so human when they were scared that it hurt. He didn't want to kill anyone. He wanted to protect. He guessed the only person he'd felt no remorse killing was the "Condesce", or at least he assumed it was her, by the throne and all. Karkat didn't like her, so therefore he didn't.

Man, it hurt to realize Karkat was one of these.

He wondered where he was. Had he escaped? John hoped so. It was for the best, he'd be safe then. If he was caught revealing their military secrets, John could bet he'd get in a shipload of trouble. Although, John'd really wanted to meet him.

He turned around at a cough meant to grab his sparse attention, finding Dave standing over an alien body indifferently but also not.

"What's up?" he prompted, after a second of the extremely awkward silence John was used to while Dave collected his thoughts.

"His blood. Look at it."

John blinked in confusion. There was nothing wrong? "What's so weird about it?"

"Exactly," Dave sighed. "There's nothing weird about it. In fact, it's the first alien with blood that isn't some freaky colour we've found. John, we have an average of about fifty bodies each with the other blood colours. Why aren't there more red ones like this?"

Actually, he had a point. "Huh. Is it still alive?"

Dave shrugged, and tapped it with his foot. It groaned. "Barely."

John pouted, and went over to bend down in front of the alien. Dave's expression clenched with worry (what was there to worry about like seriously this guy's blood was covering the floor and he could barely open his eyes) and John smiled in reassurance. Usual routine for fallen enemies in his book.

He brushed the alien's fringe from his forehead, feeling a bit sick at the matted blood. Oh God, poor guy, looked like head trauma. "Hey there buddy," John whispered softly, trying to convey that the fight was over it's okay now it'll all be okay.

"You were really brave! I saw you fighting, although you seemed to not want to kill anyone. Personally, I think that's the bravest thing anyone could do."

The alien inched open his eyes. Bright, bloody, red. Just like Dave's, except more yellow.

"My name is John. I hope you won't be in pain for much longer…" The sentence drifted into nonexistence as the alien's eyes widened at his name. Did he... recognize it or something?

The alien croaked, and appeared to try to speak despite the blood clogging his throat. John felt so sorry for him. "Z-Zoohn…" he finally croaked out.

John smiled sadly. "Zoohn, sounds cool!"

The alien (friend?) growled softly, causing Dave to get all protective and step forehead. John glared at him, warning him (Don't you dare.), before turning back to his buddy.

"No… no… You Zoohn…"

John became weirdly curious almost instantly. "You speak English?!"

"No…" the alien bit out, face crumbling as his heart puttered out gradually. "I speak little English… I… I… _Thank you_."

John held him as he breathed him last, and his tears fought to stay in his eyes. It wasn't fair. Why was he_ thanking_ him? It was _his_ fault he was dead. _All his fault_. He'd_ cut_ his life short and then the alien had _forgiven_ him.

It was hard, letting go of his body. So hard.

"Come on man, you're getting too emotional. It's just an alien."

He nodded slowly, blinking back tears, and tiredly followed his old friend out of the rainbow-splattered hall.

He didn't look back. Not once.


End file.
